Miscarriages are awful,
they’re heart-breaking,
and they need to be talked about.
I had a miscarriage a few months ago in July 2018. Continue reading
Bloom…don’t force.
We all desire relationships, jobs, goals, and changes in our lives, but sometimes we have to ask if these desires are what we actually need. Our imagination has a beautiful ability to make a future plan seem like the most incredible option, but maybe it isn’t the only option? Maybe if we stop focusing on the one thing we want, we’ll see that there are 10 different (just as amazing) paths we can more easily walk down.
I find that when I put a certain goal on a pedestal, I put up blinders to all other wonderful opportunities. And the goal on the pedestal is often so hard to reach, so challenging to climb to, and so resistant to offering me a hand, that I start to wonder, is this what I really want? Do we need to doubt ourselves, feel immense disappointment and frustration, and work unhappily for years for something that may in the end not even bring us the happiness we thought it would? For me there have been many noticeable moments Continue reading
Deconstructed Veggie Sushi Bowl Recipe
Made this on a hot summer day when I didn’t want the oven on and didn’t want any hot food. It was the perfect, light and easy dinner for myself and my husband! Hope you enjoy! 🙂
Continue reading
Fibroids. Pt 2.
Continuation of Fibroids. Pt 1.
It’s now December 2016; I have completed my first 3 months of my Fibristal medication and I am finally meeting with my Calgary gynaecologist. First of all, I’m feeling amazing after being on my supplements without a period for 3 months. Second, I’m nervous because I won’t know if the medication is actually working until I get another ultrasound and blood test. I make appointments for those two tests prior to my gyno appointment so we can review my progress. Good news! My iron stores have rose by 13, but I am still below 100 and have a long way to go. My fibroids have shrunk from 5cm to 2.5cm, and 2.5cm to 2cm, so again good news! The gyno then asks of my future birthing plans and I explain that my husband and I would like to start trying for kiddos soon. The gyno then explained:
“Your uterus is like this room. There are the walls, a floor and a ceiling. A fertilized egg will float down and land anywhere on one of the walls/floor/ceiling of your uterus. If it lands on a wall with no fibroid, you will have a healthy birth with all the regular risks. If it lands on a fibroid, you will have a miscarriage in the first trimester because the egg will not receive enough blood/nourishment through the fibroid. Even your reduced fibroids are still a big risk for a miscarriage and if I were you, I would proactively remove them in surgery before you start trying to conceive. Many women will have miscarriages due to fibroids and years later find out the cause, after already so much heartbreak. It is wonderful that you are in your situation pro-actively preparing for a healthy pregnancy.”
Fibroids. Pt 1.
What are they? How do you get them? What do they do? Are they bad? How do you get rid of them?
I had so many questions when I first was diagnosed with fibroids. It was a lucky accident that I did find out in the first place; January 2016 I was in emergency at a Halifax Hospital with severe abdominal pain caused by my recent IUD implant. My body was rejecting the implant and ejecting it, which I can tell you is extremely painful. The doctor did an ultrasound to check its placement and not only found it almost entirely pushed out but also found fibroids. He told me, “you had fibroids which is why your IUD likely didn’t fit properly in the first place. I’m going to book you another ultrasound appointment to make sure also request a gynaecologist appointment to review them.” And that was that, I had fibroids and I had not a clue what they were.
Jealousy. Competition. Ego.
You’re an athlete competing for a spot on the provincial/university/local team. You don’t see your name on the lineup and feel the pang of disappointment. Maybe you see another name of someone you thought you were more skilled then and you feel the venom of jealousy.
You’ve been working so hard in your office; showing your determination to exceed expectations and consistently showcasing your impeccable skills at your job. Suddenly you get word that your colleague, someone who maybe doesn’t work as hard as you or hasn’t been with your office as long as you, gets the promotion you have been determined to get. You feel the hit to your ego and the distaste of frustration.
You’re a new yoga teacher, fresh out of teacher training and so excited to take on the world, spreading goodness and your joy of yoga. You go to your first teach out or apply to teach at your favourite local studio and suddenly realize how many other teachers there are applying for the same classes. You are thrown into a pool of yoga competition to have the best voice, the most inspiring practice and the most unique teachings. After just being taught all about compassion, reducing ego and supporting all beings, how do you react to a world full of jealousy, competition and ego?
The first two examples happened to me many times. The success of my athletics and my career were always at the forefront of my mind. But my ego and competitive spirit fuelled my drive to be the best and due to many failures I did make the BC Provincial Volleyball Team and win Canadian Western Nationals, I did make the Acadia University Varsity Volleyball team and become a starter and rookie of the year in my first year, and I did get hired for the marketing career I desired the day after I graduated university with my BBA degree. But was I truly happy on the inside? Not at all. Because I always wanted MORE. As soon as I achieved one goal, I moved onto the next best objective, not even celebrating what I had already achieved. I continued to compete, sometimes competing so hard with my friends that I forgot to support them. I would get jealous of praise they received because I wasn’t receiving it. It was incredibly unhealthy and it left me feeling empty.
That was why when I found yoga it was so nourishing for me. It was the first environment that I had been in that didn’t encourage ego or competition; infact, it discouraged it. Yoga was truly a breath of fresh air.
So after I received my first 200hour yoga teacher training certificate and was a fresh little yogi fish in the big yoga world sea, I was surprised to see the competitive environment of yoga teachers lobbying for classes. Fortunately this time I was prepared with my tool kit of teachings and awareness and was able to recognize the environment and my nature before I succumbed to it. I applied and got classes, celebrating this achievement and feeling humbled for the opportunity. I watched as new teacher friends also got classes, some at the same studios I applied for, and this time instead of brooding with jealousy, I celebrated their success with them!! I was shocked that this even came naturally to me, that it wasn’t an effort to release my competitive nature. It was actually easier on my mind and my health to find love as my first reaction.
So while I still catch myself in life getting caught up in ego, as all humans will, I am grateful for the teachings and humility I have received through yoga and the love it has filled my emptiness with. I have moved leaps and bounds closer to daily Santosha (contentment) and I could not be happier. 🙂
My wish for humanity is that everyone may find this release of ego and competition. At the moment our world is full of jealousy, anger and hatred due to the egos of one another fuelling competition and disconnection. If we learn to support and uplift each other instead of fighting each other, we will find our world full of love and happiness. This movement starts with each of us. It starts with me, it starts with you. Please be kind and inspire a more loving and supportive world.
Namaste my friends.
Smile More.
I stand strong beside my friends; no matter your gender, sexual orientation, race, culture, or background, I will be your friend. We are all one. But there is one thing that challenges my ability to create friendship, and that is when someone is not living a life in kindness, when they are not leading a life built with love.
So when I read about feminist movements resisting being “likeable” and resisting “smiling more”, I just don’t support these measures of resistance. I understand that there is a long history of women being conditioned to be quiet, to be polite and to not have an opinion on things “only men” should talk about, and that shit is WRONG. Women have a voice and I want that voice to be heard loud and clear! I want our voices to be respected around the world. This is where the “anti-likeable” movement is coming from, which definitely makes complete sense. To be “likeable” to fit into a box defined by men/society is not right and I do NOT support this box. And to be told to, “smile more” instead of telling someone what you really feel due to fear of being judged or being punished by men/society is not right and I do NOT support this either.
But… Continue reading
