Love is a sticky hot mess.

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I was looking through some of my Draft blog posts (the ones I write in the middle of the night when I cannot sleep but never post because they are usually crazy rants haha) but I found this one and love it! It was originally written in February 2015 but I edited it to reflect the present. Enjoy this love ridden rant!

Maybe it’s because Valentine’s Day is coming up, but there’s an article circling around my friends on Facebook right now discussing why Modern Relationships Are Falling Apart So Easily. In summary, it’s because people want the perfect, happily ever after, head-over-heels kind of love but they don’t want to put in the work to achieve it. They want to cuddle and watch movies but not have the deep conversations about your darkest secrets and desires. They want the climatic thrills of love without the bad days and the less exciting days. They want the instant gratification of how love feels without the patience and hard work required to grow the connection.

They want so much…but are not willing to give anything in return.

Well let me tell you this, true love, the best kind of love, is a sticky hot mess. To fall in love, you have to let go of your walls, you need to trust someone completely and that is  terrifying. And I’ll be honest, you’ll most likely love more than once, so the first couple times you’ll definitely get your heart broken. Actually it will completely shatter into 1000 itty bitty pieces. Then you’ll spend some time recollecting your confidence, your self-love, your happiness, and while you’re looking for the final shattered piece of your heart, the love of your life will come running up to you carrying your last piece. Not only will they return it and patch you up, but somehow they will add to your heart.

They will add more beauty and friendship to your existence then you ever thought possible.

Then it gets messy. There will be ups and downs. There will be fights, difficult choices to be made, forks in the road, and lots of change. But when you truly love someone and they truly love you, you work through it. That is what our “Modern Relationships” lack, the drive to jump over the hurdles and trudge through the muddy water to the light ahead. We somehow don’t think that love is worth the fight anymore.

From experience, let me tell you… it. is. so. worth it.

I’ve had amazing 6 years with my best friend, soul mate, lover and now Fiance. But that amazingness took a lot of hard work, dedication, trust and patience. Overall, it took a great understanding that we will each have different dreams and goals but that ultimately we are on the same team and will both cheer for each other’s journeys. I see too often that relationships end up very one-sided; one person gives up their dreams to support their partner’s dreams. I believe that you each need your own ambitions and need to recognize they will likely lead you down different paths. For example, Paul and I spent the last year apart on oposite sides of Canada (him in Halifax and me in Calgary) while he completed his first year of Law School at Dalhousie and I stayed in Calgary to teach a full time yoga schedule and help with my family’s business. We briefly saw each other once every 1-2 months, but we talked every single day (sometimes multiple times a day) excitedly sharing our days with one another. We wanted to be together, but we also recognized that at the moment we needed to be in different places to pursue our own dreams to be happy. We wanted each other to be happy so badly that we stayed strong and supportive, patiently waiting for our paths to reunite again in the future.

And because we believed in each other and our future together, our paths did re-align. I decided to pursue my life-long painting passion and applied to Nova Scotia’s University of Fine Arts. I was accepted and moved to Halifax with Paul for his second year of Law School. Now we are both doing things that excite us, fuel our dreams and are lucky enough to be in the same place this time.

It always works out when you are patient and trust in the process.

My advice? Don’t give up so easily. With technology these days, distance in a relationship should not be a deal breaker. If you want true love, you need to work for it. You need to work hard. Love is only as good as what you put into it, so put your whole heart in and you’ll likely end up with two.

Love and light,

Nicole

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